Admit When You're Sad!

Hello lovelies,

Sorry there's not been a post for the past few days, I've been having a bit of a tough time!

I've been really really down and depressed and just felt awful. I've found it so difficult to even leave the house :( Dan forced me to go to the doctors yesterday and they're putting me in touch with the help I need, and they've also advised me not to take my exams and to defer them.

Therefore, not doing these exams till September, which is a HUGE weight off my shoulders. I contacted the uni and they're being brill about it too and offering me some time of from studies, which I really think I need.

But now I've realised a big problem for me when I'm down is just simply admitting it. Like I'll saw 'Oh I'm not feeling too great today' and people will dismiss it - when actually I really need to say 'I'm so down it's scary - I need help', as soon as I did that everyone has flocked around to help, and suddenly my problems and worries have all been alleviated! So I've learnt a big lesson in all this - DON'T SUFFER ALONE! And don't downplay how you feel - be honest with yourself and others, even if it terrifies you.

Now I can spend time on myself concentrating on what really matters - my health, and I'm so glad I finally decided to put that first.

I really hope you all take my advice and tell someone, anyone! Get help :)

All the best,

Emily xoxo

PS I've been stalking eBay for some fun wigs to do makeup with for my portfolio - and I couldn't believe the array of beautiful stuff on offer! Check these out below :)

I also found this INCREDIBLE fancy dress shop on eBay - it has such fun inspiring stuff! Aaah, to be rich! http://stores.ebay.co.uk/The-Costumier?_rdc=1

overcoming obstacles

Hello everyone,

So today I don't want to write my typical makeup blog - I want to focus on something a lot more meaningful - that of overcoming big obstacles in your life.

Now I might be only 19, but I feel I'm more than enough experienced to speak about such things.

Everyone has their own story - everyone has memories of the time they've been most down and sad, and memories of the time they've been on top of the world. We might think of these a lot, but most people don't think a lot about times when they've been strong. When they've pulled through things they never thought they could, and proved to themselves that they can 'do it'. Now people don't usually speak about any of these times, the good, bad or the strong parts - but WHY?! These are the bits that highlight a personality most, the bits of a persons life we should admire about them, but people are just too embarrassed to admit these kinds of things.

I've had all of those times, and my spirit and soul is so strong because of them. I've cried and cried till I could cry no more, I've wished I wasn't here so many times - even tried to not be here, I've pushed everyone around me away and tried to just hibernate in my own sadness alone, I've had my heart torn and felt like I was no good to anyone, suffered with depression and Bipolar disorder... and I've had times of feeling amazing and brilliant, I travelled to another country alone for a month, I moved to Scotland alone to follow my dreams of studying marine biology, I set up my own business and blog about makeup...

And I know there are people all around me, people I know and people I don't, that are suffering lives battles, but should scream and shout about how amazing they are, and what journey they've been on!

For example, *I hope the people I speak about don't mind me talking about them!*

I've recently been in contact with a photographer called Lynn who after reading this blog told me she's also suffered for a long time with Bipolar Disorder, and that she's been down and in some bad places - but now she's stable and at university studying what she's always wanted to, and is finally doing what she wanted to in life :)

My boyfriend Dan had awful troubles with his past partner and she knocked him down and hurt him and his confidence so much until he took an overdose, but now me and Dan are living together and we are both so happy :)

In life I guess we all have to realise that there will be people that are just mean, horrible and want to pull you down.. but we can't let them!

We have our own stories, we're all amazing, no matter how low we get, we can get through it, no matter how long it takes, we'll get to be what we want to be, we just have to be patient.

WE CAN GET THROUGH ANYTHING

Strong thoughts :)

Emily

xoxo

not feeling too good

hey everyone,

today (well this past coupla weeks) ive been feeling pretty low.

ive got a lot going on at the minute, ive just moved 5 hours from home and i'm sharing a house with people that were once friends, but now we live together the bonds been lost, and they seem to constantly party party party while i want to study, rest, get snuggled up and drink tea!

i also doesnt happen that i suffer with bipolar disorder - or should i call it manic depression? neither sound too good! i guess any 'normal' person has their wants and needs, and needs quiet time and stuff, but when im suffering from the illness most i really really need a quiet house that has routine and happiness. i know i cant ask for that off my friends - i guess you can ask that from family, and your boyfriend, but you cant ask friends to change their lifestyles for an illness they dont fully understand.

therefore, after lots of thinking, ive decided to move out, and danny my wonderful boyfriend has got a job up here so he can live with me, help with bills, and just cuddle and love me! :) im so lucky to have him! but basically, this means i will have to fork out for two rents!!!!! unless i can find someone else to live in this house and pay my rent, but i dont think anyone will want to live with these partiers! it's all such a headache and big weight on my shoulders :(

my mums been up this weekend and i think ive really worried her by how sad and down i was, i tried my best not to, but sometimes you can't help the tears!

so no ive got to go at 100 miles an hour to try and find thousands of pennies, but cos of the illness, and probably mainly because im just plain fed up, all my motivation, fun, excitement and happiness has been sucked away and all i want to do is sleep and cry.

cripes, what a depressing post!

anyway, i just needed to write all this down somewhere and get it off my chest! hopefully the next time i write i'll be much more happy and stable and have lots of wonderful news to tell you!

when i get set up in my new home and going to try and fix up an area to do youtube videos, won't that be wonderful! i have so many ideas to do! :)

anyway, when im sad, i like to do things like spend ages putting makeup on cos it relaxes me, and i also like to look at the ocean, so look what i found when i popped 'the ocean' in on google images...

this really brightened my day! haha :) i love this little guy! guess marine biology still inspires me after all!

take care, and try your best in all that you do,

emily x