Monday, 11 October 2010

not feeling too good

hey everyone,
today (well this past coupla weeks) ive been feeling pretty low.
ive got a lot going on at the minute, ive just moved 5 hours from home and i'm sharing a house with people that were once friends, but now we live together the bonds been lost, and they seem to constantly party party party while i want to study, rest, get snuggled up and drink tea!
i also doesnt happen that i suffer with bipolar disorder - or should i call it manic depression? neither sound too good! i guess any 'normal' person has their wants and needs, and needs quiet time and stuff, but when im suffering from the illness most i really really need a quiet house that has routine and happiness. i know i cant ask for that off my friends - i guess you can ask that from family, and your boyfriend, but you cant ask friends to change their lifestyles for an illness they dont fully understand.
therefore, after lots of thinking, ive decided to move out, and danny my wonderful boyfriend has got a job up here so he can live with me, help with bills, and just cuddle and love me! :) im so lucky to have him! but basically, this means i will have to fork out for two rents!!!!! unless i can find someone else to live in this house and pay my rent, but i dont think anyone will want to live with these partiers! it's all such a headache and big weight on my shoulders :(
my mums been up this weekend and i think ive really worried her by how sad and down i was, i tried my best not to, but sometimes you can't help the tears!
so no ive got to go at 100 miles an hour to try and find thousands of pennies, but cos of the illness, and probably mainly because im just plain fed up, all my motivation, fun, excitement and happiness has been sucked away and all i want to do is sleep and cry.
cripes, what a depressing post!
anyway, i just needed to write all this down somewhere and get it off my chest! hopefully the next time i write i'll be much more happy and stable and have lots of wonderful news to tell you!
when i get set up in my new home and going to try and fix up an area to do youtube videos, won't that be wonderful! i have so many ideas to do! :)
anyway, when im sad, i like to do things like spend ages putting makeup on cos it relaxes me, and i also like to look at the ocean, so look what i found when i popped 'the ocean' in on google images...

this really brightened my day! haha :) i love this little guy! guess marine biology still inspires me after all!
take care, and try your best in all that you do,
emily x

No comments:

Post a Comment

if you've got a question,
i'll try and get back to you asap,
emily x